PARENTS are abandoning their families in increasing numbers. In the late 1990s, USA Today called the United States “the world leader in parentless families.” However, the absence of parents is a global problem.
In Brazil, a 2000 census report revealed that the number of female-headed households was 11.2 million out of a total of 44.7 million. In Nicaragua, 25 percent of children lived only with their mothers. In Costa Rica, the number of children not recognized by their own parents increased during the 1990s from 21.1 percent to 30.4 percent.
The statistics for these three countries are just a sample of the global trend. Consider another aspect of the absent parent problem.
Present but not available
Nao, now 23, confesses: “Before starting elementary school, I rarely saw my father. Once, when he was leaving, I begged him, ‘Come back, will you?’
Family relationships like Nao’s with her father are what prompted the Polish writer Piotr Szczukiewicz to say: “The father seems to be an important factor absent in the family.” It is true that many parents live with their families and provide financial support for them. However, as the French magazine Capital put it, “too many parents are content to be food providers, without being educators.”
Often the situation is that the father is in the family but is not involved in the lives of his children. His attention is focused elsewhere. “Even if [the father] he is physically present, “notes the French magazine Famille Chrétienne,” he may be psychologically absent. “Why are so many parents today mentally and emotionally absent from their families?
As the journal above explains, a basic reason is that he “does not understand the role of father or husband.” In the opinion of many parents, the role of a good parent is simply to bring home a decent salary. As the Polish writer Józef Augustyn said, “many parents think they are good parents because they give money to the family.” But doing that is only part of a parent’s responsibility.
The fact is that children do not judge their father’s worth by the amount of money he makes or the monetary value of the gifts he can give them. Rather, what children really want, much more than material gifts, is their father’s love, time, and attention. This is what really matters to them.
Need for a new exam
According to a report by the Central Board of Education of Japan, “parents should reexamine their lifestyle, which is excessively dedicated to work.” The question is, will a parent make any adjustments for the sake of their children? The German newspaper Gießener Allgemeine reported on a study in which most of the parents interviewed refused to put their children ahead of their career.
Young people can be deeply hurt by what appears to be their father’s lack of interest in them. Lidia, now 21, has vivid memories of what her father was like when she was a child in Poland. She explains: “He never spoke to us. We lived in different worlds. He didn’t know that I was spending my free time in discos.” Likewise, Macarena, a 21-year-old Spaniard, says that when she was a child, her father “used to go on weekends with his friends to have fun, and several times he disappeared for a few days.”
Set appropriate priorities
Most parents can find that they spend very little time and attention with their children. A Japanese father of a teenage son said, “I hope my son understands my situation. I am always thinking about him, even when I am busy.” However, simply wishing a child to understand the absence of his father solve the problem?
There is no doubt that a real effort, yes sacrifice, is necessary to meet the needs of a child. Clearly, providing children with what they need the most – love, time, and attention – is not easy. Jesus Christ said: “Man must live, not on bread [or, material food] alone. “(Matthew 4: 4) It is also true that children cannot grow successfully with material things alone. As a parent, are you willing to sacrifice what may be of great value to you: your time or possibly even advancement in your career? -to be available to your children?
The Mainichi Daily News of February 10, 1986 told of a father who came to appreciate how important his children really were. It reported: “A senior executive of the Japan National Railways (JNR) chose to resign over separation from his family.” The newspaper later quoted the executive as saying: “The CEO position can be taken over by anyone. But I am the only father of my children.”