Getting your ex wife back may be the hardest thing you will do in your life. So many things happened to end your marriage that the most important thing for you is to ask yourself, “Why did we really get divorced in the first place?” Answer that question honestly and maybe… just maybe you’ll have a chance at reconciliation.

There may be some couples in the world who think, “This won’t last long” when they get married. You probably weren’t among them. Most of the newlyweds expect their marriage to last a long time. Then reality gets in the way. It’s never just one or two things that ruin a marriage. The most important piece of advice to offer here would be: Don’t try to rush her into remarrying or try to win her back right away!

In fact, do not rush to do anything. Give him some space, let time heal some of those wounds that landed you both in divorce court. He takes some time to honestly reassess his marriage from a distance. What were you like as a husband? What was she like as a wife? How long were you married, did you have children? If you want to get his ex-wife back eventually, you should think deeply about these matters.

It’s very strange but true that people who really love each other sometimes get divorced anyway. Why? Because the arguments were not stopped or resolved, their points of view were too diverse and they could never come to understand their differences. Perhaps there was too much outside interference, one of her children was very ill and required a lot of care and time involvement, or perhaps, tragically, a child died.

Maybe neither of them would let the other “win” from time to time. There is a different reason for every divorce under the sun; too many to consider here. If there are children, one important thing to do is to stay actively involved with your children and be friends with your ex. With his actions, he will begin to rebuild trust in their relationship, something very vital, even essential.

If she doesn’t feel that you are sincerely trying to make some changes and be a helping partner to her from a distance with your children, you will have little chance of getting your ex-wife back. She will remain distant from you. Or even worse, she will start looking to replace him with someone who she feels will be there for her and her children. Then the divorce or separation can become permanent.

Of course, this approach has to work both ways: she also has to be willing to make changes. However, this is a gradual process that can take several months. It could even take years, again, depending on so many factors. How willing are you to learn and enjoy living on your own and take the time to really get to know yourself (strengths and weaknesses) before getting involved with someone again, especially your ex?

A divorce is full of hurt and injustice, and it is best to avoid it if possible. If not, your personal issues need to be mostly resolved before a new relationship can be considered. Otherwise, it’s not really fair to the new person you start dating. Take some time to explore your ex’s true feelings about getting back together in the future. You have to know if you are on the same page before spending precious months or years trying to mend a broken relationship.

Explore what is best for each of you in the long term. Just remember that you are dealing with feelings and emotions here, many of them still raw. Don’t expect quick or even clear answers to these questions. Be patient with your ex. If you think you’re moving your relationship onto a firmer footing, that’s great. Don’t push for more, too fast, or risk losing everything.

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