Many wives who are dealing with infidelity tell me that they feel that if they could get their husband to leave or break up with the other woman, they could save their marriage and move on with their lives. Thus, many of them rejoice when their husband finally ends the relationship with the lover or another woman, thinking that most of her problems are over. Unfortunately, this is not always the case because sometimes this woman finds it very difficult to let go of her husband or walk away gracefully.
I recently heard from a wife who said, “My husband broke up with the other woman, but she refuses to accept this. And she is determined to destroy our marriage. She constantly sends messages on my Facebook account or emails saying things like Do you know where your husband is Or he sends me pictures of them and says they were taken recently when my husband swears they are old pictures Part of me has some doubts about this but in one of the pictures he is wearing shorts that he already She hasn’t, so I know she’s lying about that.One time, she told my husband that she saw me with another man and texted him to ask if he was sure she wasn’t cheating on him to get back at him. That other guy was my boss who I’m not even remotely attracted to and we were having a lunch meeting with some other coworkers there were inappropriate comments about it he even sent me old letters that my husband wrote to him he wrote just to hurt me or make me doubt him. I told people that we are getting divorced and even claimed that they were still together. This makes me doubt my husband and makes saving our marriage more difficult. How can I get her out of our lives once and for all because I don’t want to let her continue to damage my marriage and I want her out of my life.”
This can really turn into a nightmarish situation and is not that uncommon, especially when the relationship outside of marriage ends abruptly or without any “closure”. Sometimes I even have the mistress or “another woman” contact me on my blog and ask for information on how to get the husband back. And many say that it is very difficult to close the door when one day he was present and enthusiastic and the next day completely committed to his wife with whom he previously claimed to have serious problems. And while I’ve been the wife on the other side of the equation, I sometimes understand the other woman’s difficulty in abruptly changing course, seemingly overnight. But this does not excuse the behavior.
And with that said, in my opinion, the other woman usually has no real claim on the husband, since he is married to someone else. As painful as it is, the commendable thing would be to let it go, no matter how difficult it is. In the next article, I’ll offer wives some ideas on how to encourage the other woman to do just that.
Make sure the other woman really understands that your relationship is over, whether or not your marriage survives: Sometimes when you talk to the other woman in this situation, she will claim that the husband was not very strong in his determination to stay with his wife. In other words, when he breaks up, you can (at least in your opinion) use words that make it seem like you’re not really sure of his feelings or imply (at least in your mind) that he’s getting back together with his wife for a while. sense of obligation. He may tell her that he feels he owes it to his children or his wife to do whatever he can to keep the family together, and she may think her body language is telling him that this isn’t really what he wants. he wants.
And frankly, you’ll often see exactly what you want to see. If she thinks that the failure of her marriage means that he will eventually get back together with her, then he could make sure that this is exactly what happens. That is why it is very important that the husband makes it clear that the relationship is over no matter what happens with the marriage. So the message shouldn’t be, “I’m ending the affair to try to save my marriage.” Instead, the message should be, “I’m ending the affair because the relationship is wrong, it’s based on cheating, and it’s never going to work for me, and there’s nothing to change my mind about.”
There is a big difference between the two and making this distinction can encourage her to see that destroying her marriage is not going to save her relationship. And frankly, this message should come from her husband (preferably not face-to-face) rather than you because she probably won’t believe you anyway.
Make sure the other woman understands that ultimately her antics aren’t going to change things: I certainly understood that the wife was extremely upset with the other woman’s behavior. It’s a challenge to save your marriage after an affair, but it’s even harder when she won’t leave you alone. That said, it is important to create a united front. It’s important that he finally come to realize that his pranks really are a waste of time and emotional energy because they don’t really change anything.
Don’t let him see that it bothers you. Do not answer her and give her the satisfaction of knowing that she is affecting you. Because if you do, this only encourages you to keep doing it. Encourage those mutual friends you’ve been reaching out to reassure you that the two of you continue to move forward with your marriage, regardless of your attempts to destroy it. Try to force yourself to automatically delete your communications. Mark the letters “return to sender” and send it back. Block it in any electronic account. All of these things will encourage her to understand that her plan just isn’t going to work. Hopefully eventually, as she continues to bond with her husband and she continues to see that her behaviors are not changing anything for her, she will conclude that she is simply not getting any benefit from her efforts and will move on. .
With all of this being said, I know that some women get or accept this message sooner than others. If she doesn’t get the hint or you feel threatened, don’t hesitate to involve the police if necessary. Sometimes an authoritative third party is needed to get the message home.