I hear too much news. I feel that if I don’t, I will miss the Second Coming, the spread of the Tsunami, the arrival of a meteorite, the rising of melt water from glaciers, a solar flare that could fry me, an alien invasion or the next promised terrorist attack. for the past. four years. Since I don’t want to miss these things, I listen to too much news.
Because I hear too much news, I know too much about beheadings and bullet-riddled bodies. I know too much about car bombs and body parts lying around. A few days ago they found a few dozen heads in boxes in Iraq. This is no way to get ahead in war. I wish I didn’t know about that, but I do. He makes me wonder where the others went. I only know these things because I watch and listen to too much news.
I know too many damn opinions about too many things. I used to listen to Limbaugh, but I don’t think he sometimes believes himself and O’Reilly is too angry and smart and repressed for my liking, but I know about these guys, because I hear too much news. . I’ve heard a few things… on the news about their personal lives, and it was great to know that they’re not as fair as they want me to believe. I heard about that on the news. I listen too much, you know? I listen to Air America. Now that’s quite a newsgroup if there ever was one. I like them. They scare the hell out of me, but I like them. They say everything about the government and this administration that all the other news I read about them makes me wonder. They make me feel like the thoughts I have about all the other news I read are at least normal. At least I don’t feel so alone in my reaction to all the news that I read too much.
I know way too much about politicians, especially Republicans who love Jesus so much, some of them seem to love more and more to make war so he can come back or something. They also make love, but it seems they often get caught doing it with the wrong people and even the wrong sex. Wow, but honestly, I read about it on the news. I read Mrs. Bush moved out of the White House recently because Mr. President was joking with… well, others. Wow, that’s great news. I didn’t see it on Fox or AOL though, so maybe it’s not news, or maybe it is, but it’s not news to the masses, who knows? Some news tells me I won’t see this news on the news because they won’t make it news, so I guess we lose. Wow, the news even tells me that this president might not even be the real president and a lot of people got voted out, OK, Democrat voters did. That would be depressing, but it seems true to me. I heard it’s true, from the news, twice!
Because of the news, I know too much about CEOs who take too much from others to get rich. I mean A LOT of them do. The news fills me in on how much congressmen and representatives take from the public, but CEOs are getting pretty good at it, too. I see it on the news. Million dollar birthday parties, retirements that make God jealous since now he doesn’t own all the cattle on a thousand hills after all. That former CEO did! Or at least he can. They’re all smiling chimps, because they always seem to regret it AFTER they get caught, and they’re so shocked because they’re so innocent, but I bet if no one notices, they won’t regret it one bit and take some more. But then, at least later, we would have more news. I read on the news that Enron just didn’t hand over the power they said they didn’t have but he did and got a lot of money from old people in California who were trying to stay warm or cold…can’t remember which. He made me a little crazy. Those guys went to jail, but I hope we don’t read on the news that his best friend Mr. President pardons them or something when he walks out the door. I read on the news that he can do that. It worries me because I also read that when the President left Texas as Governor and they asked him who would clean up after all the damage he did, he said it wasn’t his problem. I hope I don’t read that he said that again when he leaves office this time. I bet he does. I read on the news once that people don’t change much in their lives and what they were they still are for the most part.
Why do I do this to myself… you know, read and listen to all the news and opinions about the news and the people in the news who make the news and I wish the news never found them? How many heads in boxes do I really want to know about humans or crushed in earthquakes? I have to say that I worry that if I don’t keep up with the news, I’ll miss the really important one, whatever it is. I tried once not to see or listen to the news or the opinions that the greats have about it, but it didn’t work. I got nervous not knowing what I was missing. I read on the news once that they want us to be nervous about the news because fear is a good factor to control us and change all the rules so that we don’t have the same freedoms that we had before they scared us. My God, I can’t win with this news! Now I even read news about why the news is the way it is!
I once read that what I thought was news actually wasn’t. It was more like a government announcement that was made to look like news. But they got caught. I saw it in the news.
Well, I guess it’s news, news, news, until we vomit or at least until Jesus comes back and turns off the printing presses and makes us go to whatever church someone else chooses so we can be happy. I read where we would have to go according to Biblical rules and stone our rebellious children and women who were mischievous and had titles for God’s chosen leaders. It would be like Jesus Land, but for our own good and gay people and whoremongers, but not warmongers, (what’s a dealer?) they’d be killed and we’d only get to see things like Oklahoma and Nemo finds Noah… and and and. ..oh never mind, I read about the abduction in the news and I hope that at least it will get these people out of here so we can fix the things they broke. I’m getting scared again by things I read in the news. I’m breathing hard again… I have to take a walk. My God, I hope if some terrorist blows me up or gasses me while I’m walking around, they at least say my name right. I read on the news where they got two accident victims mixed up…doh…see what I mean!