Adolescence is a period of developmental changes. The most noticeable changes are physical. Girls begin to grow breasts and have a regular menstrual cycle. Boys begin to develop facial hair, have a deep voice, and begin to produce semen. Then, for the first time in his life, the teenager begins to wonder what is happening to him. He encourages parents to be closer to their children at this time to answer their questions, support them, and allay their fears and concerns. One of the most important concerns is their sexuality. Most teens only fantasize about the opposite sex, while some teens may consider same-sex relationships as an option. For those considering same-sex relationships as an option, I encourage you to give yourself some time and seek professional help before making a decision. The truth is that you are not developed enough to make a decision about your sexuality. In the meantime, you may have friends of the opposite sex, not ‘girlfriend’ or ‘boyfriend’ for the reason that you are not an adult yet and you don’t want to complicate your life right now.
The way to manage your sexual fantasies is to focus on what interests you such as music, drawing, computers, entrepreneurship, public speaking, science, leadership or writing. These creative and investigative means are more stimulating than sex if you could give them the opportunity to manifest in your life. At the right age, get married and raise your family with love, care and happiness. I’m not a professional, but I don’t think I should be one on one to guide a teen who is struggling with her sexuality because I’m a parent. A 19-year-old relative once posted on Facebook that he is gay. In consultation with my wife, we recommended that you remove the post and you did. Our reasoning was that he was not old enough to determine his sexuality. We later found out that it was his way of coping with his recent breakup with his girlfriend. Today he is a father.
Your sexuality is very important. It is not something to be taken lightly. You could bring children into the world and that requires responsibility, compassion, love and the right values to raise the child. I know that society has made sexuality seem commonplace, but for you it remains a sacred event and I encourage you to plan and prepare with your eyes open and reason intact. If you take it lightly with your eyes closed, it could destroy your life. But if you understand it, prepare for it, plan for it, fall in love and get married, you could have a full life. These are the same thoughts that I share with our children and encourage you to take them to heart. Our world needs moral leaders and I’m counting on you to be one of them!
If you have sexual problems and think you might be gay or are thinking about sex all the time, please don’t keep it to yourself. Trust your parents to get you the right help you need. However, if you are constantly thinking about sexual pleasures at a young age, I encourage you to think more about your interests. There is a time for everything and your time for marital happiness will come. For now it is better to build your future by developing your talents and gifts than to waste it on sensual fantasies. But whatever you are feeling must be part of your body. If it’s part of your body, others have felt and treated it too, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of, but the sooner you get professional help, the better you’ll feel about your body and your life.
I first met a gay person in my sociology class in Indiana, Pennsylvania, in the 1980s. At the time I didn’t know what to do with it. I couldn’t believe that someone would prefer a person of the same sex as their life partner and coming from Nigeria did not prepare me for the experience. It was natural for me to be attracted to the opposite sex and that any other tendency was abnormal. But after reading more and more of these stories, I have come to accept that we may be connected on a spiritual level, but our tendencies may be completely different. However, my precaution focuses on respect and human dignity. Let your relationship be based on Love and only on love and if you are bisexual decide and define where you belong.
For those who are opposed to homosexuality because it is a sin against their Gods, as it is written in their sacred texts, I encourage you to do more research on the subject, engage your heart and make an effort to understand the subject. So you can react with love when it happens in your family! My opinion on Holy Texts is that you must be very naive to think that your holy text is the true word of God or the only holy text. The truth is that the sacred texts are more like the words of a father who is about to die and decides to write down his thoughts and experiences on how to live a good life as a guide for his son. But my dear friend, God is not about to die and God is certainly not dead! God is inside your heart and if you really want real answers consult your heart, not books!
There are those who think that homosexuality is a disease and some practitioners have healing clinics to turn homosexuals into “normal” human beings. Many of the clinics are organized by religious organizations because, according to their belief, homosexuality is an abomination to their God. In this case, it comes down to whether you believe in their God or a different God. However, this is your life and only your life. If you are using homosexuality to cover up something else, such as my family member, seek professional help immediately. Also, if you’re shy around girls and using homosexuality as an escape, you’re wrong. There is nothing to fear or worry about in your relationship with a girl. Just be yourself and your girl will appear at the right time or when you are ready. Finally, if you know you are a gay person, so be it! Here is a quote from Sigmund Freud:
“Homosexuality is certainly not an advantage, but it is nothing to be ashamed of, it is not a vice, it is not a degradation, it cannot be classified as a disease.” Sigmund Freud (1935).
Finally, for those who want more information on the subject, I encourage you to read about homosexual behavior in animals. The study is inconclusive, but that didn’t stop the American Psychiatric Association and other groups from citing it in the brief before the US Supreme Court in Lawrence v. Texas, which struck down sodomy laws in 14 states. In conclusion what is at stake is not really about homosexuality but about freedom, individual freedom within the limits of our laws and if you support individual freedom learn more from the following quote originated by Martin Niemöller:
They came first for the communists, and I didn’t speak out because I wasn’t a communist.
Then they came for the Jews and I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t a Jew.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t say anything because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me, and at that point there was no one left to speak.
Thank you for your time and Make every moment you live a moment of love, peace and happiness for you and for everyone you know.