We already know that being involved with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder never works out. But what is this exactly What makes the narcissist such an evil character in a relationship? What makes the narcissist so irreparable and why doesn’t he or she care how emotionally devastated the other person is? The answers to these and many other perplexing questions about narcissism can, in large part, be attributed to what I call the pathological relationship agenda of the narcissist. It is an agenda that is not and can never be conducive to a healthy relationship. Based on lies and deceit, it is as dysfunctional as it can get and must be realized for exactly what it is.
It all starts with borderline narcissistic (or sociopathic or psychopathic) personality disorder, a disorder that basically renders a person, from childhood, incapable of feeling any number of compassionate human emotions (ie sympathy, empathy, and of course love). However, the inability to feel these emotions does not mean that an intuitive narcissist cannot understand them and then mimicry at the appropriate times to achieve the desired result. Simply put, narcissistic partners will say anything to get what they want without regard for the other person’s feelings. Certainly wrong in its own way, this particular pathological stratagem – namely, the lie – gives emotion to the narcissist and is the basis of the agenda.
When the narcissist’s partner, as the recipient of the false gestures, realizes or discovers the lie, it is normal for them to feel betrayed, angry, shocked, confused, sad and more. Again, according to the (pathological) relationship agenda, it is now this suffering of the other person, a suffering caused by the narcissist. very own words or actions, that gives the narcissist a “high”… a feeling of importance… a feeling of being alive in their lifeless world. The more you suffer, the more he knows that you really care.
Yes, this may all sound mean and harsh, but it is what it is. The pathological agenda plays out in every relationship the narcissist will have, be it with a lover, a friend, a sibling, a parent, a co-worker, or their own children. The fact is that these particular actions, as deliberately harmful as they are, are rooted in the narcissistic personality and can never be fixed. That said, they should never be tolerated Acknowledging this type of narcissistic emotional abuse and then separating from the individual causing the wrong is the only way to end the bullshit.