We often try to persuade or influence someone in our professional and personal lives. Here I focus specifically on negotiation, whether you are buying a car or negotiating a business transaction. The truth is, people are more likely to give you what you want when they like and trust you.
The psychology of why people say “yes” was the subject of Robert B. Cialdini’s well-known book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion and also in Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive by Noah J. Goldstein, Steve J. Martin and Robert B. Cialdini. Below are 8 tips I compiled while studying this intriguing topic. I also added some of my own.
1. Remember your main objective. What is the most important thing for you to achieve? Keep this front and center in your mind during the negotiation. Don’t allow yourself to focus on short-term interests, such as trying to convince the other person that she is right or why she might be wrong.
2. Avoid establishing a fixed position, particularly at the beginning of a negotiation. It will be harder for you to back out later. You are more likely to want to appear consistent in your views.
3. Maintain a conciliatory attitude. Show that you are open to creating options that work for both of you. Be respectful and courteous at all times. When we show respect for others, they are more likely to return the favor.
4. Listen actively to understand. The more the other person feels that you understand their feelings or position, the more likely they are to try harder to understand yours.
5. Reflect what you hear and confirm. After listening carefully, paraphrase what you heard the other person say and ask them to confirm that you heard correctly.
6. Attribute positive attributes to the other person. If you know the other person well, you might wonder what qualities they value. Do you value honesty, independence, courage? You could then share how you observed those qualities on a particular occasion, such as your courage. But be honest: people can tell if you’re not.
7. Identify common goals and interests. Point out the areas where you both want the same thing.
8. Point out how much progress you have made so far. The person will be more willing to continue with the negotiation and see it through to the end.
Give them a try at your next negotiation and let me know how it goes!