After many years of marriage, my husband suddenly started acting undeniably strange. He spilled 20 gallons of kerosene around our house and threatened to set it on fire for no apparent reason; jam donuts dripped across the silk wallpaper and our children ran for cover. Finally, his employer sent him home and told him not to come back until he found the cause of his behavior changes. He finally agreed to go to the doctor.
As she was explaining the facts to the doctor, she looked him in the eye and said, “I want you to see a psychiatrist.”
“I’m not going to see a psychiatrist, nothing is wrong with me.”
“Do you think this behavior is normal?”
“For me it is!”
This is the extreme, but it bears repeating. What is normal for your boy? What can he accept and still feel secure in the relationship and what is too upsetting to allow him peace of mind?
I have learned that listening to that inner voice in our mind is the best guide to deciding what is normal. He is benevolent and never lies to us. If we hear it and don’t believe it, we’ve invited our good friend denial to keep us company. The normal is like a slider bar; you decide where green turns red.
It’s hard and maddening for women to understand why men can sit next to you, seem captivated by your words and swear you never said those things to them. You thought you were having a meaningful conversation.
They were miles apart, changing the car’s oil, planning a fishing trip, or deciding how they would handle something at work. This is normal? This; they were doing what we do… focusing their real attention on what’s important to them. The difference is that we don’t even pretend to listen.
If your guy gets up to leave at odd hours of the night, or spends his time sleeping online; there is a problem. There are no excuses, something is happening. You know it or you wouldn’t question it. Don’t waste precious time discussing it with your friend. Act accordingly and be prepared for it to be painful. This is usually not innocent.
If your guy has always enjoyed being intimate with you and suddenly goes to bed early and seems disinterested; be aware There is a medical or emotional problem at hand. Men are not complicated. Our Creator passed that trait down the line of women. Don’t skip red lights in relationships. Stop, look and listen.
Many couples do not share financial problems. If you’ve always enjoyed shopping and never had any reason to believe it was a problem, you might be surprised when it suddenly is. What does this mean? keep it simple Either there’s a financial crisis you’re unaware of, or an emotional shift that has caused your guy to suddenly take a critical look at your clothes. If it is the second, be careful, a change is coming.
We all know the signs of cheating and have been studying them for years. If the signs are there, investigate. This is not the time to be an ostrich. Start by asking; this is generally not productive. Many times women avoid this for fear that their position will suddenly be devalued; that they will be labeled as jealous, distrustful and clingy. Pay attention here; if the signals are real, there is a real problem. If you’re looking for signs because you feel insecure, take a cue; when it is real, the signs are real. Keep looking for the facts. Oddly enough, when it comes to cheating, guys behave the same regardless of their personality traits!
If your guy has a short temper and is prone to loud and embarrassing outbursts, pay attention. This typically turns into verbal abuse and then violence. How do you know when one of those monsters has gotten into your relationship? The best first clue is when you hear these words: “Look what you made me do!”
When his bad behavior becomes your fault, you are in the clutches of an abuser. Find a way out and hurry up. I promise you this is not going to get better. You see the best in a person early in the relationship. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you will change someone’s behavior. If you can’t accept them as they are, put on your shoes and start walking. Do not allow yourself to accept this behavior for any reason.
What behavior is normal for your boy? Humans have a pattern of behavior, we all do. You have become familiar with its normality. If you’re questioning your behavior now, chances are that little inner voice will nudge you and tell you that something has changed. Find the cause and decide if it is something you can stay in the relationship with and feel safe with or if you are going to move on.
And one more thing; it takes a miracle to truly change your mind. This is painfully true about human nature. And it’s the best reason not to ignore unacceptable behavior or consider it normal. Because when you do, you will have made a decision about this person… and only a true miracle will change it.