Can you be the best friend and mother of your child? I remember when I was a child I went through that phase where I was not happy with my parents. I didn’t really tell them about anything that was really going on in my life, nor did I tell them about my feelings. As time went by, I really did find a best friend in my mother. What a gift this was to me! We would go to so many places together such as shopping, going to the movies, and at home we would watch television together. How angry I was with myself for having wasted so many years without treasuring her and without sharing my life with her.
When I had my children, I promised myself that I would do my best to be not only a good mother, but also a best friend. My mother passed away at a young age by today’s standards and it broke my heart to think of the time wasted in my younger years. This would mark the path that I was determined to follow and would be for my children what my mother was for me, who was my best friend.
To understand and follow this concept, of course, parenting must come first. There still has to be discipline and rules. This does not mean that you always say yes to your child when he asks you for something. This goes much deeper than your usual daily family life. I’ve made it a point to truly listen to my kids, yes this can be difficult at times, especially now when I have my teenage daughter saying things to me that should almost make my eyes pop out of my head. Since they were little, I made it a point to go to their rooms and talk to them about their day, not just about school work and what they were feeling at the time. When they said yes to most of the secrets, I kept them, unless it was something that really needed to be shared.
Whenever I could, I made it a point to have time alone with them outside the house. This could be a trip to the store or a meal, with just one of them so they could have me to themselves and could talk freely. For my teenager, I go to her room and have what we call “Pow Wow’s” where she can ask me anything and I do my best to answer her questions honestly. Now, their girlfriends come and invite me into the room for questions that they have and are afraid to ask their own mothers. By earning my daughter’s trust, we would continue to grow closer and closer. I knew that I was someone to turn to and would not judge, but listened and helped with experienced advice. I have also become the designated parent to drive for them, sometimes at crazy hours, I should add.
This is something that I was lucky enough to start very early with with my children, this is not to say that it does not work when they are older as I am living proof that it does since I wasted so many years of time with my mother as my best friend too. Personally, I think maybe it would have happened earlier if I had been more comfortable with her during those difficult teenage years. The years go by very quickly and there is no better time than today to make the effort, take the necessary steps and choose to be part of your child’s life, instead of looking at him from outside his world. Of course, remember, you are still the parent, but with trust, time, and love, perhaps you could also be your best friend.