If someone were to think back to their last relationship, what they might find is that they started to lose themselves when they first got to know each other and more or less completely lost once they were together. There is a possibility that this has occurred on more than one occasion.
If so, it will be seen that they have had a number of relationships in which this has occurred. This will then be a scenario that you are all too familiar with.
What happens
If you’re in a relationship like this now, regardless of whether or not you’ve had this experience multiple times before, you might see that you’re playing a role. This will mean that your behavior is not defined by your own needs, feelings, desires, and preferences.
No, it will be defined by who the other person wants them to be and who they think they want them to be. Therefore, his physical self will show up but his emotional self and perhaps his mental self will not.
is hidden
However, even though who they are will rarely see the light of day with their partner, that doesn’t mean the other person will notice this. Thanks to how well they will be able to play this role, it may not even stand out.
At the same time, if you don’t stand out, it could simply indicate that the other person isn’t very perceptive. Perhaps, due to their own injuries, they expect another person to behave as an extension of them.
an accumulation
But, while they won’t show who they are, that doesn’t mean there won’t be signs that they aren’t happy with what’s going on. They may not be able to recognize how they feel about what is happening, but if they could, they might feel frustrated, angry, and resentful.
What actually happens to them will influence, one way or another, their behavior. This could mean that they will end up walking away, not answering calls or texts and not being very present in their partners’ company.
The drop that filled the glass
Not seeing the way forward, they could end the relationship by disappearing or breaking up with them. On the other hand, they could have an affair, this being a more indirect way of disconnecting their relationship.
By doing this, your partner can find out what you are going through and end it, taking away your need to assert yourself. No matter what, they are likely relieved that they don’t have to hide anymore.
looking deeper
If this is what happens when you’re in an intimate relationship, it’s no surprise that being in a relationship isn’t very fulfilling. Being in a relationship will make them lose something that is very precious: themselves.
So no matter how much they gain from being in a relationship, it won’t make up for what they lose. However, what if there is another option, one that does not involve them getting lost?
a third option
This would mean that it is not about being in a relationship and getting lost or being alone and staying connected to who you are; they can also be in a relationship and stay connected to who they are. Right now, this might not be seen as remotely possible.
If this were to happen, they would be in a relationship that would consist of two individuals and a third entity known as the relationship. This would allow each of them to stay connected to who they are and share who they are with others.
going deeper
If this doesn’t look like something that could happen, you will need to reflect on why it happens. In doing this, what they may find is that they don’t feel comfortable expressing who they are when they are around someone and feel the need to hide.
Beneath this could be the fear of being abandoned and having your life come to an end. One way of looking at this would be to say that this is irrational and that they just need to get over this fear.
back in time
Another way of looking at this would be to say that this is probably a sign that they were unable to act as individuals during their early years. This may have been a time when they were treated as an extension of their caretakers and had to do whatever they wanted.
If they were to express their needs or feelings, they would probably have been rejected and abandoned. What this would have done is conditioned them to believe that the only way to survive and not be isolated is if they lost themselves and became what someone else wanted them to be.
the past is present
This stage of your life is over now, but a large part of your being will continue to function from this moment on. Along with the belief that they have to hide who they are to survive and stay connected to others will be the emotional wounds they carry.
Their true selves were rejected and they were abandoned, but until they get over their emotional wounds, this will be seen as something that will happen instead of something that has already happened. Ultimately, they did not receive the love and support they needed to be able to grow and develop properly.
Awareness
If someone can relate to this and is ready to change their life, they may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.