Getting hooked on drama happens quickly, especially in close relationships. The following article will help you understand the different roles that are played and how to break out of the cycle completely.
what theatre?
Stephen Karpman first described the drama triangle in a 1968 article. The model shows the three positions people typically take in an interaction: the victim, the persecutor, and the savior.
The situation usually begins with a person assuming the role of victim or persecutor. Once the bait is out, other people are drawn into playing the game and taking on other roles. The game then continues with the two (or three) players changing roles: the victim becomes the rescuer, the rescuer becomes the persecutor, or the rescuer becomes a victim exclaiming: I just wanted to help!
See what you made me do?
A client recently described an interaction between her and her father.
He found his folding boxes and said, “You can take my cardboard to recycling like you’re doing yours.”
She responded assertively by saying, “If everything fits in the car, it’ll be fine.”
And he added: “But otherwise, I have to take it to…”.
She said, “The recycling place is open tomorrow morning, you can take it on your way.”
Him, with an annoyed and angry tone of voice: “Oh well, forget it. If you don’t want to help me, I’ll take it to…”
As the example shows, the father alternates between victim (poor me) and persecutor (passive-aggressive tone of voice). The daughter responded assertively, which is the exit from the drama cycle. However, at a later stage, she became very annoyed with him and her reaction and she noted that he could draw her into her game. He didn’t come out verbally, but she felt the effect as we discussed it in our session.
Let me out of here!
Come to the Winner’s Triangle! The same triangle has three winning positions: The vulnerable is also seen as a creator, aware of his own needs and capable of enunciating them; the challenger, who expresses his point of view assertively without becoming domineering or aggressive; and the coach or caregiver, someone who sees the individual as capable of making their decisions or solving their own problems.
Awareness and a conscious shift to the above positions will break the drama cycle and allow you to make informed decisions and focus on results rather than problems. This dynamic is much more empowering and will leave you satisfied.