A great marriage or relationship is a FANTASTIC thing, we all agree. We would also agree that a lousy marriage is lousy! Since half of all marriages end in divorce, it’s obvious that good relationships are hard work! So how can we “stack the deck” in favor of an AWESOME marriage? Each article in this 4-part series lists 13 keys to improving relationship intimacy! You’ll find the entire series in the featured articles section of K-9 Outfitters, a division of Damascus Road Enterprises.
1. Find the local “Lover’s Lane” in your community and drop by one night on the way home from a romantic dinner. (Be sure to use a breath mint after dinner.) If you don’t know where “Lover’s Lane” is, ask any local teenager. Or you can ask a local cop posing as a concerned parent looking for their “wayward” teenager. Trust me, a good “passionate smooch” will make the intimacy of your relationship a world of good.
2. Write “I love you ____” in chalk on the sidewalk outside your office building. Then call them up and challenge them to find the secret message you left them somewhere between work and home. Have a special treat (including a candy bar, perfume, cologne, a sexy teddy, a new CD from their favorite band, etc.) to give them if they find the message. The intimacy of your relationship will benefit.
3. Read a book about relationships and discuss it together. One of my favorites is “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It even has workbooks to use during your study together. (Hint: once you discover your partner’s love language, become fluent in their language!) Some other books I recommend include “Five Foundations for Marriage” by Robert & Judson Cornwall; “Hidden Keys to a Loving and Lasting Marriage” by Gary Smalley; “Equality and Submission in Marriage” by John C. Howell; “The Marriage Review” by H. Norman Wright; “Building Your Partner’s Self Esteem” by Dennis and Barbara Rainey; “Strike the Original Match” by Charles Swindoll; “Keep Your Marriage From Burning Out” by William L. Coleman; “Love Life for Every Married Couple” by Ed Wheat; “For Better, For Worse, Forever” by Bob Moeller; “Cultivating a Healthy Marriage”, Mike Yorkey, Editor; “His Needs Hers, Her Needs” by William F. Harley, Jr.; and “The Many Loves of Marriage” by Thomas & Nanette Kinkade. You can find these and many other books on marriage and relationships at your local bookstore. This exercise will bring surprisingly greater relationship intimacy to your marriage.
4. Develop a special code for you and your spouse to use with pagers, blackberries, or cell phones when you’re romantically thinking about each other. Think about the intimacy of the relationship.
5. Try this exercise. Each of you take a pencil and paper and answer this question; “What do you want most from this relationship?” Each of you list 5 things you want more of and trade lists. Write regular reminders to encourage each other and be sure to write thank you notes when your partner fulfills your wishes and increases the intimacy of your relationship.
6. Set up a weekly “Movie Night.” Watch a movie about love and relationships and discuss what you learned when you’re done. Focus on how those lessons can improve the intimacy of your relationship.
7. Write a poem, sonnet, or song about your partner. It doesn’t have to rhyme and it doesn’t have to be great! It is enough that you have written it about the person you love (make sure to use their name in the title or body of the composition). I assure you that they will be duly impressed and intimacy will flourish.
8. Make a list of the 50 (or 100) “Places I’d like to be alone with you.” Or it could be the places I would like to go: go with you, kiss you, make love to you, or whatever you choose. To help the intimacy of your relationship grow even more, make a plan for how and when you will visit these places and fulfill those fantasies.
9. Discover new and unusual places and ways to communicate “I love you!” to your spouse. I have seen banners behind planes, billboards, paintings on water towers and underpasses, etc. Is money a problem? Well, try these. I once made a tri-fold anniversary card for my wife by covering a washing machine carton with white table runner paper, writing a message with crayon and magic marker, and filling the inside with a year-by-year montage of photos of our lifetime. together. Another time I used a table runner to create a 10 foot long banner with a love birthday message. Use your imagination and keep in mind that the intimacy of the relationship is the goal.
10. Send a pair of oven mitts to your spouse at work, with this message attached. “I’m going to be too hot to drive tonight, so put them on!” then greet them at the door with nothing more than a smile! (First, be sure to send the kids to Grandma’s for the night!). Be careful, though, because not only will this set the intimacy of your relationship on fire, but this behavior has been known to cause “babies.”
11. Think of some of your lover’s favorite things. Create an acronym for their name with each letter of their name representing something they like to eat, do, smell, wear, hear, see, etc. Then give them each of the things represented by the acronyms. Your relationship will really become more intimate.
12. Surprise your spouse with a weekend getaway to a local hotel. Rent a room with a jacuzzi or spa. Order room service, and don’t leave the room all weekend. (You can find out the rest – Hey! This is a “G” rated article.) Think about the intimacy of the relationship!
13. Make a habit of asking your spouse “How’s your ‘Love Tank’ today?” (Each of us has a love tank. It can be full, ¾ full, ½ full, ¼ full, or empty.) Naturally, the follow-up question is “What can I do to get your love tank filled up again?” Remember, your concern is for your spouse’s privacy needs. So wear thick fur and gladly do whatever it takes to get your love tank full again. That’s what marriage is all about!
Here is a tool to use these ideas. Go through the entire list together and rate each idea. Ladies, put your numbers on the left side of each item. Gentlemen, please place your ratings on the right hand side of each idea. Please use the following rating scale:
1 = My personal favorites!
2 = I would love for you to do this for me!
3 = I would love to do this for you!
4 = Let’s discuss this idea further!
5 = No way baby!
Have fun with this list of 13 ideas. The end result of each article in this series is really twofold. First, I want you to learn to think about your spouse’s wants, needs, and desires before you think about your own. Second, I want you to learn to have fun together again! Let your imagination run wild! Try to do the things listed in this article. If you do just one activity each week from the entire series of articles, you will increase the intimacy in your relationship (at least once a week) for a whole year!
You can find all of the articles in this series in the featured articles section of K-9 Outfitters, a division of Damascus Road Enterprises.
Danny Presswood, 2006 All rights reserved.