Sex feels more appropriate for a woman once the couple has spent quality time together. A woman responds best when her partner shows how much they care about her as a person. His attention from her motivates her to return the favor by pleasing him. She needs to be in the right frame of mind to be ready for sexual pleasure. First of all, a woman needs to feel good about herself. Having sex does not encourage a woman. If she’s not happy or if she’s feeling stressed (or just out of shape!), she may not feel sexy, which means she doesn’t feel desirable. Unfortunately, a woman’s mood is not necessarily something her partner can change.
Second, a woman needs to feel good about her partner. Straight men often assume that only women need to attract a lover. By dressing attractively and sexyly, a man can show his appreciation for a woman’s effort to be attractive to him. He also needs to invest time in non-sexual intimacy so that sex is not the only activity a couple shares.
Third, it helps if a woman feels attuned to eroticism. This can be quite random. Sometimes a romantic movie can turn her on. A more reliable approach is to build in some anticipation (such as planning a session of sex). If a woman is docile, she appreciates being flattered by her partner’s sexual interest in her. Some women enjoy some aspects of pornographic movies, especially when there is some story content. Some women watch pornographic movies with a partner to help add some variety to their sex life.
Sex with a new partner usually begins with a kiss. Certainly, a woman can enjoy passionate kissing, but even as a prelude to sex, kissing does not cause a woman’s mind to become erotically aroused. Men initiate the kiss to indicate their desire to have sex. In the French (or deep) kiss, one party inserts their tongue into the other person’s mouth. Kissing varies depending on how open the mouth is, how long the kiss lasts, and how much movement is involved. Some people don’t like too much saliva flowing, which tends to happen if kissing goes on too long. Passion can also be communicated by the firmness of the contact and how much the full body embrace is included with a kiss. The most romantic kisses are firm and not too wet.
Even when a woman knows that a lover can give her pleasure, she is not motivated by sex to the extent that men are. This pleasure is much more vital to her male lover than to the woman herself. She also appreciates that her emotional state affects her sexual inclination. She needs to be motivated to give to a lover, which depends on her relationship status.
A woman can enjoy her lover admiring her body and talking about what she wants to do to him. A man can spend time preparing a woman’s body for sex. Shaving a woman’s pubic hair feels kinky and makes oral sex more pleasurable for a man. An enema can cause physical arousal (internal tumescence) so that even intercourse is more exciting than normal.
Young women can often find sexual intercourse painful. As she ages, a woman’s mind can respond to the more subconscious arousals associated with sexual activity and her body can respond to a lover’s stimulation.
A woman’s willingness to explore sexual play depends on the pleasure she enjoys without having to exert herself too much. As she becomes more mature and experienced, a woman may enjoy the opportunity to explore sexual play. This depends on whether a couple has invested in communication over sex.
Men have a subconscious response that instantly transports them from a social situation to the erotic world. A woman needs time for her mind to tune in to the sensations of being aroused. Buildup with a partner takes much longer than using fantasy during masturbation alone. A woman’s mind has no conscious focus except for the sensations of her partner touching her while she thinks about the consequences of her erection.
A woman may enjoy wearing a blindfold to focus on sensations and discreet restraints (tying her hands or feet or to the bed) to heighten her sense of being desired by a lover. Sex toys can be used to tease, build some anticipation (of the real thing!), and take the pressure off a man’s erection. A man can enjoy arousing his lover while a woman enjoys being pampered. The woman needs to encourage a lover by reacting with appreciation!
Men engage in sexual activity to release pent-up arousal in the form of orgasm. But receptive women can only consciously generate arousal by using fantasies only during masturbation. Women (regardless of their orientation) are not (consciously in their mind) aroused by a lover and therefore cannot have a true orgasm. A heterosexual woman engages in sexual activity in response to her partner’s initiative for years without any arousal or orgasm. More mature women can experience a kind of physical climax from the stimulation of the entrance to the vagina (vaginal fisting) and through anal stimulation.
Many men think that prolonged intercourse is the key to orgasms during intercourse, but prolonged intercourse is not helpful for women, and some women may be grateful to get this over with quickly. (Vincenzo and Giulia Puppo 2014)