The words “sticky signs” should be on a sign around the neck of a friend of mine who is getting divorced. This person has been the embodiment of a good loving spouse. They took the good with the bad. No amount of bad behavior on the part of the other person made my friend want a divorce. There was literally NOTHING they could do to get my friend to leave (and trust me, it got bad). In other words, my friend was being a doormat. A sticky and needy doormat. Finally, the other person left and ended my friend’s misery.
The signs of attachment are pretty clear to an outside person observing a relationship, but sometimes it’s more difficult when you’re one of the two people in it. So when does needing your partner’s support cross the line and just get annoying?
First, let’s back up for a minute.
So why is it so bad to be clingy and needy in the first place? I can sum it up in one word: UNEQUAL.
That’s how it is. When a person is clingy, he is automatically taking more from the relationship than he is giving. Period.
It doesn’t matter how much you love them if you are smothering them because they will feel unhappy anyway. And I am speaking from experience here. A loved one from my past used to get angry if I ate breakfast without him and usually didn’t speak to me for three days. (Even though she didn’t get up for breakfast when everyone else did.) Yeah … that bad.
This made me feel like I was carrying a heavy weight because I felt responsible for my happiness AND HIS! I could only hold the two of us for so long. After a while, it was no longer worth the effort. I think that’s what happens with a lot of potentially good relationships.
These are the reasons why:
1. Clingy people are often selfish (although not all intend to be)
If you’re a clingy person and I only hurt your feelings, I’m sorry. But you need to listen to the truth and take a good look at yourself. (Your future happiness depends on it). Clingy people are insecure people. They need constant verification that they are loved, appreciated, etc. Because of that need, they are always thinking about themselves and how their partner relates to them. Now when you are constantly thinking about yourself, you can’t possibly be thinking about your partner and their needs, right?
YOU are responsible for YOU and it is not your partner’s job to make you happy. Clingy people wait for other people to make them happy when, in reality, happiness never comes from outside sources. It ALWAYS comes from within.
2. People want to feel that they are in a relationship with an equal.
An equal is someone who is on the same wavelength as you mentally, emotionally, and physically. They “catch” you like no one else does. And they give as much to the relationship as they receive. Relationships are like banks. You make deposits and then withdraw things when you need them. However, it will ruin your relationship if a person always makes withdrawals without putting anything.
3. Every partner needs support
One of the main points in life is to find a person with whom to share your ups and downs. They celebrate with you when things go well and help you when things go wrong. However, if you are a clingy person, how can you be a rock to your partner when they need you? (See number 1 above.
4. Relationships require work
All you need is Love It’s a great song, but it’s just not true. (Now I’ll have that song in my head all day). Relationships require work, but if your partner is your top priority, it doesn’t really feel like work. Instead of spending the day worrying about where your partner is and what they are doing, take the time to plan something nice to show your love. Give them some space. It will be good for both of us.
Can’t decide if you are clingy or if your partner is clingy? Here are some signs:
* You must know where the other person is every minute of every day.
* You don’t like your partner spending time with your friends without you (or at all).
* You want your partner to give up hobbies / interests that do not include you.
* Keep your partner away from his potential because he is afraid of being left behind.
* Do not have a life or a plan of your own. (That’s why you’re riding her wrap skirts.)
If you are a clingy person, I didn’t mean to hit you. Being clingy is usually a learned behavior, and your parents may have taught it to you. But the time has come to break that mold and become your own person.
A strong partner with his own life and interests makes him a great companion.
If you want to have a healthy and BALANCED relationship, you must be a happy and well adjusted person. Now, I know we all have our little problems in life, but I mean, generally speaking, they should act together. Get out there and find new friends and hobbies. Start thinking and acting positively all the time. Start loving life and everyone around you. All those sticky signs will automatically disappear when you do these simple things because you will be happier, more confident, and more independent. If you need more help getting this done, see a counselor. Many churches and workplaces will provide you with counseling services for free.
If the attachment has caused the breakdown of your relationship, check out the signs of attachment for steps to repair it.