We know that couples are in a good space when they think positively of each other and their marriage.
Spouses who think of their marriage as a good thing in their lives also report higher degrees of happiness. They’ll give their partner the “benefit of the doubt,” won’t jump to conclusions about mistakes they’ve made, and generally notice the good in their spouse rather than the bad.
These marriages can have the same ups and downs that all marriages have; however, spouses view them as “normal” or surmountable rather than crippling or devastating to the marriage.
Here are some suggestions on how you can keep that positive attitude about your marriage.
* Use “nursing names” for others that are loving and respectful… and private.
Write in a gratitude journal every night. Make a list of 3 things you like and appreciate about your marriage.
* Start a “Travel Journal”. Periodically spend some time recording the events that have occurred in your lives together. Reread it every year on your anniversary or New Year’s Eve and together set one or two relationship goals for the year.
* Look at your wedding album on your anniversary along with photos of some of your favorite trips or experiences. Remind yourself how much you liked and appreciated each other and how much you value friendship.
Thinking differently about your spouse also makes a difference.
Susie recently told me that she noticed a big difference in her happiness with her husband when she stopped complaining about him to her friends. She just decided that she wanted to experiment with putting her complaints aside and not saying anything or talking about something nice that he did or something that she liked about him. Susie said that she was surprised to see the difference she made to her and her feelings towards Tom.
Have you heard the old saying “what you seek is what you get”? This seems to be even more true in relationships. When you focus on your spouse’s problems, irritations, or “weaknesses,” you are much more likely to notice them even more and develop more negative feelings toward him or her. When you recognize all that he or she brings to the marriage…feelings of appreciation and warmth emerge.
Just for today, see what you like. As you notice these things, be sure to let your spouse know that you notice and appreciate them. Pay attention to what is happening.