Are you, or is someone you know, a mama’s boy? Take this quiz to find out, and read on to find out what it means and what to do about it!
Do you have a sense of inadequacy as an ever-present man?
Do you think you are ineffective in your role as a husband or romantic partner?
Do you think you are ineffective in your role as a parent?
Do you think you are unsuitable as a provider for your family?
Do you have persistent problems in your relationships at home, at work, or with friends?
Can’t make decisions that benefit others or even yourself?
Is procrastination, instead of being a means to a creative end, a real problem at home, work, and in social situations?
Are you unable to imagine fulfilling your life purpose?
Do you feel like a failure on a daily basis?
Do you experience rage and frequent outbursts of anger?
Does he express aggression towards women or children?
Bullying people?
Do you behave recklessly, taking unnecessary risks?
Are you promiscuous?
Are you chauvinistic or condescending in your behavior or attitude towards women, children or men who you think are inferior to you?
Can’t be friends with a man or woman because you can’t refrain from being competitive?
Does your wife or romantic partner “mom” you?
Does your spouse or romantic partner chronically question your decisions and choices?
Does your spouse or romantic partner feel free to correct you in public in ways that are embarrassing?
Does your spouse or romantic partner frequently remove lint from your clothing or “clean” you in some other way?
Does your spouse or romantic partner monitor your conversations?
Does your spouse or romantic partner frequently take care of things on your behalf that you could do yourself?
Are you regularly driven into submission by your spouse or romantic partner?
Does your wife or romantic partner always try to put your needs and desires first?
Is your wife or romantic partner your “sex slave”?
Do you treat your wife or romantic partner like a servant?
Is your wife or romantic partner having affairs?
Does your mother ask you to do things for her that she should ask her husband to do for her and that he is capable of (such as housework or car repair, etc.)?
Does your mother come to you, rather than your husband, for comfort, encouragement, comfort, or support?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it is likely a mommy’s boy. If you answered “yes” to any of these questions regarding your spouse or romantic partner, it is most likely a mommy’s boy.
Mommy’s kids, whether pulling or pushing the women in their lives, believe they get their power from the women in their lives. The phenomenon is born within the family.
There are men who, for various reasons, never have the opportunity to leave the sphere of influence of their mothers to enter the sphere of influence of their fathers. For some, it is because their parents were not physically or emotionally present. For others, it is because their fathers were mommy’s boys and they allowed their children to remain under the influence of their mothers. Whatever the reason, a man becomes a mother’s son because he did not receive the invitation to enter his father’s sphere of influence.
Some mama’s boys grow up to be very masculine, very macho. Some grow up to be quite soft males who are very affectionate towards the women and children in their lives. Others grow up to express their masculinity somewhere between those two extremes. If you haven’t taken the quiz first, you can ask, “So what’s the problem?” The problem lies in a man’s ability to maintain healthy relationships, beginning with his relationship with his spouse or romantic partner.
Young children begin life under the protective wings of their mothers. There, ideally, they find life safe and secure. As they grow, they seek independence. At this point, Mom can become a nuisance, a helper, a jailer, or a companion to her little man. Between the two of you, he learns whether pushing or pulling will give him what he wants: freedom!
Ideally, during preadolescence and early adolescence, the father of a child invites him to leave the sphere of influence of his mother, where life feels relatively safe, and enter the sphere of influence of the father. In the father’s sphere of influence, life can be perceived as more dangerous. For example, fathers traditionally have higher expectations and are more demanding than mothers. However, in the father’s sphere of influence, the son has the opportunity to experience himself as a man in the company of men. He comes to discover that his power as a man comes from within and that is the greatest freedom of all.
When a child never leaves his mother’s sphere of influence, he comes to believe that his power comes from outside of him, from her. As a man, he projects that belief onto the women in his life and leads them to unhappiness, resentment, even rage or anger. It can lead to severe codependency when a man believes that life is “normal” only when there is tension and power struggles at home.
The tragedy is that for the boys of many moms, their relationships begin with a lot of passion, chemistry, joy, and love. It is when the relationship reaches a certain level of commitment that the issue of being a mommy’s boy challenges the relationship. So what can a mama’s boy do?
Remember this: men express their masculinity with women but cool it with other men. Mommy’s son needs to do two things. First, you need to practice not pulling and not pushing your woman. This only frees her to be his lover instead of his mother! Second, he needs to spend time in the company of other men, relaxed and free to be himself.
One word of caution: When you practice not pulling or shoving your woman, the relationship will be shaken to the extent that you have become codependent with each other. She may not seem grateful that she is treated like your lover instead of your mother! If you’re a mommy’s boy, she’s probably a daddy’s girl, and the dance you do together is quite complicated as a result. Learning new steps means untangling old ones. Be patient, the payoff is worth it.
Encourage her to stop treating you like a child. Encourage her to treat you like a man. Show yourself as a man and give him a chance to relax in his femininity. And watch as power struggles give way to more love, better passion, and greater fulfillment!