1. You ask your husband to choose between you and his children.
You see children as a competition and you are determined to win.
2. You don’t know much about your stepchildren.
You spend all your time focusing on your own children and your new husband and don’t see the need to meet your stepchildren.
3. You ask your husband to drink your Go out to dinner on your child’s birthday and tell her to celebrate the child’s birthday on another day.
4. You don’t recognize stepchildren’s birthdays or any other special events in their lives.
5. You treat your children better than their children
You make sure your children have everything they need and let your birth mother discover what her own children need.
6. You interrupt your husband when he is on the phone with his children.
What could he be talking about that is more important than you?
7. You let their kids figure out for themselves where to sleep and put their things when they visit their dad.
After all, the beds in the house are for those who live here full time, right?
8. You have different house rules for your children than for their children.
9. You do not allow your stepchildren to bring friends to your house.
10. You don’t let your stepchildren spend time alone with their dad when they come to visit.
Jokes aside, being a stepmom is one of the hardest jobs in the world. When you marry a man with children, you agree to love and care for his children as if they were your own. Children often don’t appreciate a new stepparent and won’t appreciate their efforts for a while (sometimes they never recognize the positive impact they’ve had on their lives).
Stepparents are not in competition with children, although many people feel that way. The love an adult has for his spouse is different from the love he has for his children. There is enough love to spread, for everyone, without anyone suffering. Creating and maintaining house rules and keeping the marriage at the center of the family are key issues in a stable and loving environment for children.
Talking to your stepchildren about their interests and hobbies will build rapport with them. Celebrating their birthdays, special school events, or any holiday is a wonderful opportunity to bring your stepfamily together and create memories of this new family.
Providing them with a private place to store their things when they visit their dad is also important. A private bedroom is not necessary (although it is ideal). However, you should provide each child with a safe place to put their things and a place to hang out when they are at your house.
While you want to spend time as a blended family, it’s a good idea to give your husband some one-on-one time with these kids when they come to visit. Spend this time with your children or doing something for yourself. Your stepchildren will appreciate this time and will also feel more comfortable in the combined family moments.